Swing Set
by Disce
Summary: Everyone knows not to bet against Alice but what happens when Emmett makes that mistake?


**AN: Any recognizable characters and songs belong to their respectful owners I only own the plot!**

"Emmett you should really know not to bet with me by now, I _always_ win." Alice said with a grin as Emmett pouted in front of her.

"Yeah but I figured since Jake was here to play with Nessie your visions would be messed up!" Emmett said in a slightly whiny voice.

"But what you don't know dear brother is that I told Jake to take Nessie down to La Push because I had a vision about us having a bet yesterday and it just stopped before I knew what we were betting on; I just assumed Jake was coming over."

"But I swore Edward was going to win that wrestling match! Who would have known that Jasper was going to overpower him?"

"I did! I've learned not to underestimate my husband! And you should have learned that too considering that he beat you in a wrestling match last month!"

"So what if he beat me? He just caught me off guard thats all!"

"Yeah sure, whatever you say Emmett!" Alice said. The Alice got a faraway look in her eyes and Emmett heard Edward laughing from outside where him and Bella were talking with Esme. As Alice snapped back to attention Jasper walked downstairs and stood next to his wife with a curious look on his face.

"Darlin' I don't like the feelings coming off of you right now. These kind of feelings always lead to something very, very bad." Said Jasper as he wrapped his arms around her waist.

"Jasper what do you mean; what's she feeling?" Emmett said worriedly as he glanced back and forth between Alice ans Jasper. Alice then started to laugh, disentangled herself from Jasper and darted up to her room where she closed and locked the door, although she knew it wouldn't do any good.

"Well bro," Jasper said, "I can only tell you that it involves you and what you have to do because you lost the bet." And with that last comment, Jasper walked off.

Emmett very worried about the task that Alice was sure to give him, walked outside to where Esme, Bella and Edward were sitting. He then proceeded to launch himself onto Esme's lap. The sound their bodies made was like boulders hitting each other.

"Emmett dear, What are you doing?" Esme asked as Emmett threw his arms around her shoulders and started sobbing. "Whats wrong dear? You really should tell me and I'll try to help you! I bet its Rose again isn't it! What did she do? Is she refusing contact with you? I'll bet you deserved it though!" Esme rambled as she rocked Emmett's shaking body back and forth.

"Mom," Edward said "It's not Rose that made Emmett like this. It's really Alice. Emmett lost a bet to her and now she's in her room buying the stuff she needs for Emmett's task that he has to complete. To summarize it Emmett is scared of our little pixie!" When Edward finished talking he could hear both Rose and Alice laughing in Alice and Jaspers room.

"Oh shit Edward! They're going to kill me!"

"Emmett McCarty Cullen! You watch your language young man!" Esme said while shoving Emmett off of her lap and onto the patio. "And now your going to have to fix the crack in the concrete Emmett! And I suggest you finish it before tomorrow, because I have a Gardening Club meeting and they will surely ask questions if I have a hole in my patio! And if you don't get it done," Esme said menacingly " your ass, is grass!"

"I'm sorry Mommy!" Emmett cried as Esme walked into the house. He sighed in despair as Esme ignored him. Finally after about 30 seconds of staring at the door, he heard the snickers behind him.

"Edward how could you laugh at me! I thought we always had each others backs? I see where I stand in your life!"

"Emmett you really need to relax." Bella said "I swear! You act like your PMSing!"

"I am not PMSing!" Emmett said obstinately.

"Do you even know what PMS means Emmett?"

"Yeah its in that one song, the song that goes like this-

You change your mind

Like a girl, changes clothes

Yeah you PMS like a bitch

I would know

And you, over-think

Always speak, cryptically

I should know

that your not good fo-"

"OK Emmett! We get it! Yes Edward and I both realize it is in that song. But do you really know what it means?"

"Uh yeah! Psh! Psh! Why wouldn't I? I mean everyone knows what PMS means!"

"You don't know what it means do you."

"Uh no."

"OK then. Well its the week before a girl gets her period and she gets all mood-swingy and gets cramps and such."

"OH! So thats what that was? I always thought that Edward had drugged you or something when you were PMSing when you were human!"

"Emmett! Why would I drug my beautiful Bella?" Edward cried as he grabbed Bella around the waist and set her on his lap and gave her a kiss on the cheek.

"I don't know! But it was the only explanation I could come up with at the time!"

"It was a very stupid explanation." Edward mumbled into Bella's neck.

"Yep." Bella agreed as she hopped off of Edwards lap, much to his dismay. "I'm going to go check out what the other girls are doing"

"NO! Bella don't go to the Dark Side!!" Emmett called after her as she walked through the patio door.

"Why in heavens not dear brother? They have cookies!" She said with a sweet smile over her shoulder.

"You tard," Emmett mumbled "You don't even eat cookies!"

"Nice comeback Emmett!" Bella called from the staircase.

"Oh Shit, you weren't supposed to hear that!"

"Emmett McCarty Cullen! What did I tell you about your language?" Esme called from the kitchen where she was dusting.

"I'm sorry Mommy!"

"Good you should be!" Esme said even though she felt a pang in her heart for having to discipline on of her adoptive children. He even called her "mommy"!

"Edward," Emmett said to the Adonis-like vampire sitting across from him in a patio chair "tell me what they're thinking!"

"Dude, I'm sorry but I can't pick anything up from them! Bella is shielding them all!" Edward responded in a huff; he too wanted to know what the girls were going to do to his brother.

"OH MY GOD!" Emmett moaned while walking towards the woods that covered the rest of the Cullen property "I'm going hunting!" And with that he disappeared into the woods.

_Two hours later~3:30 in the afternoon_

As Emmett walked through the back door he was greeted by a group of 3 girls. All of them had evil grins on their faces.

"Bubbles." Alice said with a smirk.

"What's that your new stripper name?" Emmett said without realizing the girls had moved to surround him.

"No dear brother," Bella said from behind him "it's yours." As this was said Emmett got a very serious look on his face.

"I see you found out."

"Yes we did," Alice said while she looked at the other girls who were all grinning like fools "wait what?"

"You found out why I'm gone all the time!"

"Wait, Your a stripper?" Rosalie said while her mouth hung open.

"NOPE!" Emmett said with a laugh " I can't believe you actually bought that!"

"You idiot!" Rosalie screeched "Now, because of your stupid-ness, you aren't going to be able to touch me for three whole days! This will teach you not to lie to your wife!"

"But babe!" Emmett said with an endearing smile as he tried to reach out and hug his wife, "You can't stop our love!"

"You wanna bet?" She said while avoiding his outstretched arms.

"ENOUGH!" Alice screamed to get everyones attention again. "Let's get back to what we were originally going to do!" All the girls picked up Emmett, who was too shocked to struggle, and rushed him up the stairs and threw him on Alice's bed.

" Now girls" Emmett said with a smirk "Not that I don't love you or anything but don't you think your husbands will get jealous when they find out about this?" This comment caused Rose to smack him over the head.

"Sit still and shut up!" She ordered. Alice and Bella walked into the closet and brought out a garment bag a a shoe box.

"Your task tonight Emmett," Bella said mischievously "Is to dress like a drag-queen and sing a song that specially written just for you. You will need to beat the magnificent cross-dressing club 'Swing Set' at 5:30 so that means we only have two hours to get you ready!"

"So your saying that I'm supposed to dress like a chick and go to this club and sing?" Emmett asked, totally flabbergasted.

"Basically." Bella said with a nod. "OK Alice, I think he's ready to see the dress." Out of the garment bag came a dress that had a black corset style top with hot pink lacing and black lace with spaghetti straps at the top. The bottom of the dress was hot pink tulle with black lacing. The length would make it end up about an inch and a half above Emmett's knee.

"Holy shit. You don't really expect me to wear that do you?" Emmett said with a hint of worry in his voice.

"Emmett, Emmett, Emmett," Alice sighed "When you decided to bet against me you put yourself at risk. Now this is your consequence for losing the bet and I suggest you take it like a man or its all getting taped and put up on youtube!"

"Oh God no!" Emmett said in a panic "anything but that! I'll do anything you want as long as it doesn't

involve videos of me on youtube!"

"Good. This is the way it should be! Now go into the bathroom and put on this dress!" Bella demanded throwing the dress at him. Emmett sighing dejectedly slowly trudged to the bathroom. With one last look at the hallway door he walked in and proceeded to change. When he was finished he walked out and the girls' faces broke into grins.

"It's perfect!" Rose said while giving Alice a quick hug.

"I told you it would be!" Alice replied.

"Emmett come look at your shoes!" Rose called while turning towards the bed to pull out the shoes he was going to be wearing. "Aren't they great?" she said with a malicious grin. She held up the shoes and Emmett's mouth dropped open.

"What the fuck? Those things are death traps! I won't be able to walk in them!" Emmett said unbelievingly.

"Well," Bella said with a thoughtful look on her face "your a vampire so you can technically walk in anything."

"Whatever you say Bells..." He sighed knowing that there was no way in hell he was going to win. Emmett picked up the hot pink stilettos and started to wrestle with them in an attempt to get them on his feet.

"Let me do it!" Rosalie finally said after about 30 seconds of him not having any luck. She ripped the shoes out of his hand and put them on his feet and buckled them in two fluid movements. "Now it's time for hair and make-up!" Out of the bag that Emmett had learned to call "The pit of no return" Rose pulled out a bright pink Japanese style wig. Sighing and closing his eyes. Emmett let the girls have his way with him **(AN:DIRTY!)**

"OK! We're finished" Alice said after what felt like a lifetime. Emmett opened his eyes and attempted to look in the mirror. "NO! Alice screeched! You can't see yet!"

Emmett sighed and asked "Can we leave yet? Its 5:00"

"Oh Shit!" Bella said "We're going to be late! Everyone get downstairs and meet in the garage!" Rosalie grabbed Emmett's arm and tugged him down the stairs where Edward and Jasper were waiting. As soon as the saw Emmett they burst into laughter.

"You look great Emmett!" Edward gasped in between laughing fits.

"You dipshit," Rosalie said "he's not Emmett right now! He's Bubbles!" This brought on another round of laughter and their respective wives grabbed them and hauled them out to the cars.

"Bubbles! Come on get in we're going to have to haul ass if we're going to make it to Swing Set in time!" Rosalie said from the drivers seat of her BMW. Emmett sighed and climbed in. 25 minutes later found them pulling into th parking lot of Swing Set.

"Hurry up!" Alice called "They're going to call Bubbles next!" As the girls and Edward and Jasper started into the club, Emmett balked so Bella turned around and grabbed his arm to drag him in.

"Next up is Bubbles! And _she_ is going to sing us an original song today!" The announcer called out.

"That's you!"Alice screeched as she attempted to drag Emmett up to the stage. As they got to the stage Alice pushed a pink sparkly microphone into "Bubbles" hand. "Go get them tiger!" Alice said with a wink. She then pushed Emmett onto the stage. As Emmett opened the paper Alice gave him he heard quite a few cat-calls and random "ow-ows!" Then Alice gave him a signal and he started singing.

Oh yeah

Come on

I get the huge Jeep out front  
Hottest styles, every shoe, every color

Yeah, because I'm sexy it can be kinda fun  
It's really me but no one ever discovers

In some ways I'm just like all my friends  
But on stage I'm a pretty girl!

I get the best of both worlds  
I've got fake boobs and a dick

that gets the occasional lick!

You could tell Emmett was getting into the song because as he sang this he winked at the crowed and did a few hip rotations.

I get the best of both worlds  
Mix it all together and you get a very sexy cross-dresser!

I've got the best of both worlds

I have great sex with my wife (Is that a wart?)  
And wear her bra's when shes not home.  
Livin' two lives is a little weird (yeah)  
But school's cool cuz nobody knows

Yeah I get to act like a pretty girl

But I'm really a masculine man!

As soon as those words left his lips Emmett pantomimed jacking off which looked really weird because of the dress and wig.

I get the best of both worlds  
I've got fake boobs and a dick

that gets the occasional lick!

I get the best of both worlds

Mix it all together and you get a very sexy cross-dresser!

People ask for my autograph  
And try to climb up on the stage

The best part is that

I get to look the way I want to be!

This part of the song turned out to be true when multiple guards had to go stand in front of the stage to make sure no one tried to grab onto Emmett.

Yeah the best of both  
I get the best of both  
Come on best of both

Who would of thought that a guy like me

could make such a pretty girl?

I get the best of both worlds

I've got fake boobs and a dick

that gets the occasional lick

I get the best of both worlds  
Mix it all together and you know that I'm pretty,

I get the best of both worlds  
Without the boobs and the hair  
I can go anywhere

I get the best of both worlds  
Mix it all together  
Oh yeah  
It's so much better 'cuz you know that I'm a sexy cross-dresser!

The song ended with the sounds of cheering and applause. Emmett bowed and walked off the stage toward his wife and the rest of his family. He was greeted by hugs and laughter as they all told him how great he was. As they walked out to the cars Rose turned to Emmett and said

"Since you did so good I'm reversing your punishment. I think performing that good deserves an award" She remarked with a wink. As she climbed into the car, Emmett threw a fist into the air and thought,

"Maybe I should do this more often."

**AN: There it is! Review if you like it, Review if you don't! I could care less whether or not you liked it :) I enjoyed writing it and thats what matters! Emmett's outfit--**

**http://www(dot)polyvore(dot)com/emmetts_drag-queen_outfit/set?id=11956717**


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